This blog was supposed to be about mothering and maybe in some ways this post is. Today I went with my mom to her first Chemo treatment. I didn't want to be there, in fact I dilly dallied around until I was 20 minutes late give or take a few. When I got there I had a bit of an attitude and wanted to know where the privacy curtains were. I "didn't want to sit there and look at sick people". Afterall my mom was not one of them. As I sat there the reality of why I was there began to sink in. My mom is one of these sick people. She has Cancer, though they say it's a good kind.
Ahh if I hear "it's a good kind" one more time I think I will scream! If it's so good would you like to have some! Cancer sucks and though the prognosis for stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma is better then some it is still cancer and mom still has to go through chemotherapy and all of the side effects that come with it.
Mom said we would only be at the cancer center for 2 hours but to our supprise one medication takes two hours but there were at least 6 she had to get so we were there for 5 1/2 hours today. As time passed slowly, I eased up and at one point mom asked me to go over to the cabinet and look at some hats and caps they had there. I did and I came back with some winners! I figured if we were there we might as well laugh a little, isn't it good medicine? I found the most hideous hats I could and retuned with one crocheted with some shaggy yarn, half of it bright yellow on top and the bottom black. I showed it to her and couldn't keep a straight face. I told her the kids would love it and each time I saw her I would have to "buzz". Next I found a furry Russian looking hat! It was hysterical. I told her I could put some cheetah gerber daisy flower clips on it and she would be "in". I laughed so hard. Lastly I found a rainbow print cap and though she though it was comfortable she didn't want to look like rainbow bright. She decided to get up and go look for her own hats. I think that broke the tension for me and we all got a good laugh and some of the others did too.
It is sinking in finally and the reality of the next 6 months or so is that it won't be fun seeing my mom suffer through this, but it could be worse. I just really didn't want to go here with my mom. Cancer didn't run in our family what the hell happened! I dread the cancer center because it puts me in a situation where I have to look at sickness in the face and it's just way to close to home for me. It was hard enough when my brother in law, and then my mother in law got terminal cancer. It has definitely brought back some raw emotion for me. I didn't want anyone to shave their heads because I didn't want my mom to look out and see sickness. I want her to look at us and see health and know that she too will soon be there with us. I can't wait for her to be better and I continue to pray to the Lord for healing as only he can restore her to health. I know these treatments are necessary and I pray that mom, my sister Kathie, and I all have courage and strength to get through this together.
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